bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
