There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
