This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
