Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize