OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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