your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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