I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
