hotel room ftw
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
