I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
