I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
