Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
