I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
