I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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