Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
