I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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