Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Found the puke drawer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
