I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
