I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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