well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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