she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
