fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
