and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
