yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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