If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
