She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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