great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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