Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
