you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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