My nipple is on Facebook.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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