i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
