sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
