my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
