i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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