My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize