There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it because I queefed?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
