I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
