Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
