I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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