Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
