So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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