Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
