i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
