I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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