If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
