If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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