i wish my penis had a tongue
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
