life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
