Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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