I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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