Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk is not a location!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
