Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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