I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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