You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
