It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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