im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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