A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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