8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
