You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
