I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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